Sunday, 2 February 2014

Whereupon I am berated by an Angry 'Nam Veteran

The follwing comment came up two posts back, and I just thought it was too good and juicy not to get a post of its own:

"With respect Karl, perhaps you are a man that I don't fully understand. A long time ago, I was in Vietnam. My army friends and I were working for the US. We were trying to buy the loyalty of tribal leaders by bribing them. But our caravans kept being raided in the forest by the tribals. So, we went looking for the tribals. For six months, we kept giving them clothes,food,durables. One day, I saw a local child playing with a broken radio given by us. The tribals had been throwing them away.

Well, the tribals thought raiding was good sport. Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.
You are [I] think such a man."



My initial response:

"Oh right, so because those people didn't want to be assimilated by your way of life, there's something 'wrong' with them; because they didn't want to be bought off by invaders on their own land, they're primitive and 'backward'.

Incredible, but not sadly uncommon, parochialism."

I should also have pointed out the commenter's anger at the inability to successfully bully these natives, not to mention the rather lame Batman quotation.

Srikant wrote:

'"Some men just want to watch the world burn."
... while others like to set people afire on napalm.'

Best of all was my buddy Jeff's take:

"We are the people (antinatalists) he and his people (the rest of the world) are trying to bribe and buy off. They keep giving us baubles of this world, like material goods, religion, politics, art, promises of love and friendship, and so on, to convince us of the rightness of this world and its continuation. We turn their trinkets over in our hands, and although they can be quite attractive and interesting, we find no ultimate value in them, so we pass them along to our unborn children, to see what they think. For them, they are meaningless toys. Since they don't exist, they have no use for all those things. Especially broken radios. :)"

124 comments:

  1. where was this posted, if you don't mind my asking? i'd like to be a part of discussions like this. ~joe

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    1. It was a comment during the end of my 'A conversation overheard in Paris' thread a few weeks back.

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    2. Probably some kid who spent hours playing Call of Duty on his Playstation, and fantasied about being in 'Nam! Ruddy military fantasists!

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  2. The Super Bowl is this week - yay! Whatever. The point is that there is this talk going around about football being unethical because of the injuries that occur on the field of play. For the life of me I can't understand how people can't apply the same reasoning to life in general. I mean, wtf? It's apparent life causes all this harm, and people can see it on a football field and question it and yet those same people are dumb enough not to apply that logic to the life game. Why?

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    1. Selective mental targeting. Criticise that which does not impinge on your own life for fear of peering into the abysss. Or as Chick Positive put it:

      http://chickpositive.blogspot.co.uk/2013/12/we-cant-go-all-way.html

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    2. Thanks for the reply and the link, Karl.

      Is there a way to send you something for a possible blog post? I'm currently having an e-mail discussion with some blogger about this very subject and I think the fellow antinatalists (I get pissed because the word 'antinatalists' constantly comes up with a red line under it as if I misspelled it) might enjoy it.

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    3. You can email me at w1.karl@gmail.com, Lindsey.

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    4. lindseywagners, I think about this ALL OF THE TIME. My favorite is when people talk about keeping kids safe. Because when you create a fallible human being, it's totally possible to keep them safe. Totally. I laugh maniacally inside my head to keep from rolling into a ball and sobbing from the sheer insanity of human logic.

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    5. Yeah it's completely idiotic, JJ. I like the "keeping kids safe" example you used. As I wrote above, I am in the midst of an e-mail conversation with some blogger. I hope Karl posts it when I send it to him. I think you'll enjoy it.

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    6. Yeah it's completely idiotic, JJ. I like the "keeping kids safe" example you used. As I wrote above, I am in the midst of an e-mail conversation with some blogger. I hope Karl posts it when I send it to him. I think you'll enjoy it.

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  3. Karl, I started crafting a comment when I realized that your friend Jeff says exactly what I am thinking, only better. Cheers Jeff and Karl keep up the good fight.

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  4. Hi Karl, quick questions for you...what are your thoughts on discontentment? Do you think it is manufactured, by tv commercials or intrinsic to being human? Furthermore, do you think that jealousy is same thing as being dis-contented or is a separate category all-together? If I have gone way off the commenting rails feel free to delete.

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    1. Thanks, Michael. Inner and outer, I guess. The perfect storm. The mind cannot find rest, and is also constantly assailed by the world and its trinkets and rotten carrots. I would imagine jealousy is an ego-driven, will-to-power, hatred of another's (apparent) happiness.

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  5. Instead of avoid all procreation we should just find a way to eliminate the fear of death. Then if someone doesn't want to play the game of life, then can easily go out.

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    1. While that would be nice, it would do nothing to stop procreation, and, in fact, might encourage it, in that parents can say, 'Well, my spawn can always bail out if they want', although people say that anyway,even when death is not so palatable, or suicide easily accessible. Having said that, if suicide were easy, and lots of people availed of it, that might make potential procreators think twice. But ultiamtely, people will always find reasons to justify having kids.

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    2. Hi Anon in regards to your idea, most times there are no easy outs. Unfortunately life has a giant entry door but the exit can be impossible to locate. I have no fear of death, and every desire to leave the game of life, but the dying process can be excruciating, and many individuals like myself have no means of a humane suicide. Beyond that we know that many serious suicidal attempts fail with horrific results. I have a relative in the medical profession who is working with a lady that walked in front of a train to commit suicide, and it mangled her without killing. We know that people have failed to die after leaping from the golden gate bridge. Peaceful suicide drugs like Nembutal are impossible for most of us to get hold of. The only "easy out" would be accessible euthanasia centers which don't exist in most of the world.

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    3. We can legalize assisted painless suicide and eliminate the fear of death. It's an alternative to antinatalism, and easier to achive.

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    4. I don't think it will ever (in our lifetimes) be easy to achieve "assisted painless suicide" and "elimination of fear of death". There is, for instance, the euthanasia center in Switzerland (Dignitas). In order to avail yourself of their services, you must be able to prove that you have a terminal illness (in the conventional sense... so no arguing that life itself is a terminal illness, even though it certainly is). This organization stands alone, as far as I know, and is considered progressive and radical. Yet they put serious limits on whom they will assist, which is further testimony to the fact that there really is no palatable way out for those who simply want to undo the imposition. And don't ever underestimate humankind's deeply rooted, innate fear of the dying process. It's the fabric of our existence.

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    5. Anonymous #1, here's an idea: Why don't we question the reason WHY we want to create a being who WILL suffer and die in the first place? And no, anything related to procreation is not an alternative to antinatalism. Antinatalism has no alternatives.

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  6. Karl, perhaps you should have told the gentleman, "And what is wrong with wanting to watch the world burn?".

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  7. Walking Contradiction3 February 2014 at 19:34

    Just wanna to say that yours is a blog worth reading Karl. Keep it up! Greetings from a fellow Argentine antinatalist!

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  8. Considering that there was a good amount of burning and bombing of towns during the Vietnam War, I would ask the veteran what the hell is so bad about clearing the ground for something better. As was commonly said in Indochina, sometimes you have to burn a village in order to save it. As might have been stated during any battle, sometimes you need to destroy the world in order to liberate it.

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    1. clearing the ground for "something better"

      Meaning clear, sterile-forever ground? =)

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  9. I'm an anti-natalist alright.But not for the reasons you may imagine.
    I'm a selfish being.If I were to chose between getting my coffee break
    disturbed & eternal damnation for the whole of humanity-
    I will chose the later.
    If I could reproduce & it were to make me richer & more
    comfortable I'd do so.But that's fiction.
    Having children makes you poorer.
    Having children makes to make sleepless nights.
    Children pester you & blow away your hard earned money.
    Particide is not uncommon too.

    So I believe in AN not out of altruism.
    The hell with my imaginary kids.
    But because of the economics of reproduction
    & the children are a burden.

    I'm what some would called Child-free.I call myself a rational being.
    Children are pests.I want to wipe them off this planet.
    I hate babies.

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    1. Surely you realize, you're not an ethical antinatalist. Better to refer to yourself as "childfree", and leave it at that.

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    2. Prof. Chomsky is correct in his identification of today’s intellectual property system as a way of granting legal monopolies to corporations. And I applaud him for speaking out against the worst excesses of companies exploiting the patent system in the name of maximizing profits. But by focussing on and attacking only recent intellectual property law reforms, it is easy to fall into the trap of suggesting that the system could be “fixed” simply by repealing these reforms or otherwise tweaking the laws. As I hope I have shown here, from their very beginnings copyrights and patents have existed to benefit only that small minority of people who owned the presses, warehouses, and stores through which books and other media are reproduced and distributed. Any benefit to the inventors and authors who actually produce inventions and artistic works is incidental, and furthermore comes at the cost of stifling cross-pollination of ideas and the progress it entails. No amount of legislation can ever change the fundamental relationship in production between the workers, who produce almost all of the world’s artistic and scientific wealth, and the rich minority who control the means of disseminating this wealth. Therefore workers have no stake in the intellectual property regime and should work only for the abolition of the entire system that supports it.

      You Karl, are a capitalist blood sucker.

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    3. Ha ha! I grew up in a poor household and currently barely earn enough to pay rent and buy food, so screw you, asshole.

      As for Chomsky, much and all as I admire him, he has no plausible counter-vision to offer. He points out all of the endless injustices and crimes of the powerful, and credit to him for that, but he also romanticises 'the people'. Seeing as how everyone knows what's going on, why haven't 'the workers' risen up and taken their due? Could it be because they're dumb idiots who want to stuff their faces same as the rich, maybe? They're still human beings with all the greed and desire that entails, and, oh, they're the ones who are doing most of the reproducing.

      And it might also be pointed out that Chomsky is a wealthy, tentured MIT professor. A 'capitalist blood sucker'?

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    4. Anonymous quotes literally from here.

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    5. Anonymous #1, good on you for choosing not to create a being who will suffer and die. I can understand not liking children, but I hope you are not saying that you want to kill children? ("wipe them off this planet.")

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    6. There´s no problem with not being philantropical towards antinatalism.

      Let´s not be picky. ;)

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    7. I'm with Karl on this. I take it a bit farther: Any kind of reality is systemic and endemic to suffering regardless if the observer is human or not.

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  10. They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
    They may not mean to, but they do.
    They fill you with the faults they had
    And add some extra, just for you.

    But they were fucked up in their turn
    By fools in old-style hats and coats,
    Who half the time were soppy-stern
    And half at one another's throats.

    Man hands on misery to man.
    It deepens like a coastal shelf.
    Get out as early as you can,
    And don't have any kids yourself.

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    1. This is Philip Larkin's 'This Be The Verse'. I think it's best to acknowledge if you're going to quote.

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    2. heheh, yeah...
      "If you must write prose and poems. The words you use should be your own. Don't plagiarize or take on loans."
      -the Smiths, Cemetery Gates

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  11. Quite a few comments on this blog are interesting because it's hard to tell if the person is being sincere or not. The Vietnam vet is such a case and I find it amusing like many of the others left here. So Karl, I hope you can continue to allow the comment sections of your entries to flow relatively freely; it helps add some levity along my unhappy journey through life.

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    1. The interesting thing about what may be troll comments is that often express what quite a lot of people sincerely believe, so I let them stand for the purposes of deabte....and vitriol:-)

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    2. Floob Boober Bab Boober Bubs5 February 2014 at 07:24

      Karl, I feel the same way when you wrote about feeling nostalgic about the USSR, or suggested that it would be good if Africans invade and rape Europe in a revenge crusade. It's hard to tell if you are being sincere or not.

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    3. Well, Mr Flubber Man, I have no nostalgia for the USSR, and my point about Africa was that if they did such a thing, only the deluded could deny they had a semi-plausible cause.

      Anyway, politics is just musical chairs. Antinatalism is the only real revolution worth talking about.

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  12. I'm imagining this vet's kids have developed a Pavlovian cringing response every time they hear a story that opens up with "A long time ago, I was in Vietnam..." Call me a creep but it kind of makes me chuckle.

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  13. Hi Karl, the fact that the Vietnam Veteran had little comprehension at the time or since about what it is like to invade a country or be the countrymen of the country he invaded is telling. The Veteran went to war with superior technology to 'defend his own country from Communism'. Perhaps if we had been subject to the myth making of the McCarthy Trials we might have done the same. We don't know. Who of any of us would appreciate the tribesmen who stole from each as part of 'tradition' ? I would not have, and being honoured as another tribe by being stolen from... ...would you have seen that as 'an honour'? Though I think the soldiers were being honoured. So, mutual misunderstanding all round. As for the dead radios, well junk has to be left somewhere-why not make 'a gift' of it? Appeasement was the last use of the radios. Tell me Karl is there a group identity to anti-natalists? Or some high profile recognition such as a celebrity who espouses it the way, say, Morrissey espouses vegetarianism? If there is The Veteran might have understood the values of 'your battalion', if not then even more incomprehension, with no end in sight. I am trying to think of a popular image for anti-natalists, but the only image that comes to me is non-breeders verbally flogging themselves the way medieval monks were said to do in the event of disaster. Not an image that sits easy in the mind.

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    1. I don't think there are any 'popular' antinatalists, Malcom. Doug Stanhope is an American comedian who's had the snip because he doesn't want to reproduce. There's a new American tv series, 'True Detective' where one of the characters expresses AN sentiments, but that's all I can think of really. As for the Vet, he's had plenty of time to reflect, so you're being generous than I!

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    2. Ashley Judd has been quoted as saying in an interview that she considered it "unconscionable to breed" given how many orphan there were in the world. A bit caveated to pass as unadulterated antinatalism, but hey, I'll take what I can get. She was brave to have made such a "volatile" statement, and she has received much flak for it. No surprises there.

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    3. Mustn't forget Woody Allen.

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  14. Karl,

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AhGvR0143s

    The reasons for not having kids is illuminating...

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  15. I like how the Vietnam vet is telling an antinatalist that he wants to see the world burn when when pronatalists are okay with BABIES BEING BURNED if it means continuing the human race. ANYTHING to continue the human race is what pronatalism is. Classic example of projection, I suspect.

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  16. Sorry about the copy right comment.You may abuse me more if you find it soothing.I'm pretty poor too.

    One of the problems with traditional anti-capitalist thought is that it defines capitalism as a totality, which encourages us to imagine another totality, socialism, which we can try to replace it with. This totalizing perspective has colonized the imagination of anti-capitalism and left us waiting for a revolution we can never have.

    We see ourselves as inhabiting a complex social world that has some capitalist things going on in it as well as some socialist ones, some communist ones, and many where economics are not separated out of the broader fabric of life (such as sharing and gift giving, and mutual support). The way we get past capitalism is by building on the healthy non-capitalist aspects of our world while we also do pitched battle with the capitalist ones that we have a fair chance of winning against. In that way we build a better world and shrink the destructive capitalist practices that are part of the social fabric.

    Yes,AN is the ultimate revolution.

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    1. Abuse? If you're the anti-capitalist guy, allow me to point out that you called me a 'bloodsucker'.

      The problem with what you're saying is that you're assuming a coherent collective 'we', whose moral instincts are unswervingly accurate and possess no internal friction or dissent. I don't see any such 'we', and the first-person plural 'we' and 'our' has always been a source of repugnance to me.

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    2. Anon 0335, you should see http://mister-mean-spirited.blogspot.in/2014/01/anyone-with-solution-is-part-of-problem.html to get a better idea of what we (sorry, Karl =D) would really like.

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  17. Hey Karl,nice work man.
    Do you drink alcohol?
    Do you think it makes life bearable?
    Would you suggest someone to get started with drinking to numb the pain?

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    1. I only drink ocassionally these days, as it takes too much out of me. I certainly wouldn't advise anyone to go down the alcoholism path.

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    2. Drinking can sometimes help block out the pain, but then you'll come down from the escape and be back where you were before. Just a cycle, vicious cycle. It can also, as Karl said, take too much out of you.

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    3. I recommend marijuana instead. It doesn't take too much out of you.

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  18. Here's a topical tangent I've been meaning to think through, and wondered your thoughts. It's the link between 'pronatal' sentiment and virulent homophobia. Christian scripture (perhaps others? Share if you know) routinely, especially in the old testament, refers to the next generation of a 'people' as gifts, in the form of 'Nations.' There's powerful connection to religious nationalism in 'being fruitful' but especially now as the old myths break down and abstract numerical power of 'nations' takes a large place in sad decrepit void left for making meaning in the world. I'm thinking, of course, of the weird cynical modern religious resurgence in the russian federation - and casually wondered (which I have the luxury to do only as an outsider) whether the notorious section 6.21 could conceivably count antinatal attitudes as an 'un-traditional sexual outlook/relation' not to be publicised...

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    1. Blue Invisible Cloud10 February 2014 at 17:44

      Anon, of course there is. There is a link between homophobia and gender discrimination, and Roy Baumister's "Is there anything good about men?" thoroughly explains how gender roles and discrimination basically stem from biological factors, and the "need" for species survival (reproduction).

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  19. I believe Antonin Artaud wrote an essay in defense of opium, damning its criminalization as a cruelty to "those of us not ready to kill ourselves yet". Or something like that.

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  20. I feel very sad all the time-any suggestions guys?

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    1. Good music, long walks away from people, the occasional drink, and trying not to give a shit is the best I can suggest.

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    2. Get a kitty.
      And lately I've been watching this animated sci-fi comedy called Rick and Morty. There has only been six episodes so far but sweet lord is it good! I forget all my troubles when I'm watching it.

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    3. Owning another being shouldn't be the automatic answer, especially since it might spread worry on top of misery.
      I would suggest confiding in kindred spirits: brave the melancholy together.

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    4. Bazompora, it is safe to assume that one of the sources of anon's sadness is loneliness/isolation and "owning another being" would help to alleviate that suffering. AN's are empathic people and thus prime candidates to be pet owners, so my initial suggestion is morally sound from an animal rights perspective. The negative emotions that come with a pet (such as worry) are no worse than the negative experience from anything else, including your suggestion: confiding in kindred spirits can proliferate the misery, stoking the fire so to speak. Dima Sokol admits in his "softening up" video that pessimism is a poison and I have to agree.

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    5. Dima has removed that video along with all his public material. Could you paraphrase what made him and you conclude that those troubled by reality should avoid each other?

      Also, the animal rights perspective is about as arbitrary as the human rights position; I wouldn't derive my orientation from either. Don't take it personal, but the assumption that the better selfishness makes one good enough a caretaker, seems strikingly similar to the natalist's idea that _only others_ can do wrong in keeping captives. Yet, wouldn't dragging out a pet's terminality become more likely, the more it is an emotional crutch? It's most often impossible to convince oneself to give up on something one is dependent upon, the separation causing a steep level-drop in tolerance to life. Hence, it seems more sensible to never pick it up, nor advise commencing.

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    6. Much and all as I love cats, I am not a sentimentalist about animals either. There is nothing intrinsically wonderful about them. Yes, the harm they suffer at the hands of humans is appalling, but that does not elevate them. Suffering does not sanctify any creature, human or animal.

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    7. Transfrau Fremdlay22 February 2014 at 02:22

      Dima Sokol got a girlfriend, and now he has become a staunch pronatalist.

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    8. Hey Karl, I love how you can allow for such blasphemous lies to be published on your blog without batting an eyelid. I always knew you were an unstable prick, but it never hit me how much until your brief stint in Hell on Facebook. Now, we all know how much of an unstable, ego-driven maniac you are and the consensus is overwhelming so its not merely a personal offence at this point.

      Antinatalist my ass. You should go become a professor and preach your gospel to your class as "entertainment material" to be chewed while eating bacon made from factory-farmed and butchered animals/

      Your whole blog is a sham given the antics we're familiar with on facebook (which the majority here, I reckon, will not really be knowledgeable about) so you should start a fresh as a "pro-natalist-in-denial" blog to be more reflective of your true personality.

      Either way, you're a fucking disappointment and I wouldn't have commented and would have avoided the acrimony if it wasn't for your blatant disregard in filtering content to reflect at least some degree of propriety.

      So fuck you.

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    9. Dima,

      You are really taking on disturbing cult leader aspects: 'blasphemous lies'. You need to calm down. Seeing as how you had no problem slandering me on FB, why should I worry about what others say about you?

      And it's not my fault you can't understand a Philosophy group is there to have technical discussions and not be a cheerleading group. Perhaps you are still rankling at the fact that a girl there whipped your ass.

      I am eminenty more pessimistic than you and do not attend Venus project meetings and all that nonsense. Nor I do go around insulting the courage of those who have committed suicide by saying 'I intend to do it once I can take the easy way out' a million times.

      Anyway, take care.

      Karl

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    10. Whatever man. Pessimistic my ass. You're not an efilist so whatever you think about antinatalism or pessimism, the fact that you're not willing to press the red button makes you an disingenuous shill of pronatalists. You and that bitch on your group are probably going to pop children soon. Just don't forget to pay child support.

      And the consensus of nearly everyone in the group is that you're a fucking piece of shit bastard. Both Terry, Victor, Manuel, Victor and Ryan agree with me that you're simply fake and I didn't even have to tell them what happened since no one was surprised you were gone, especially those who were in your group to begin with.

      You are ridiculed and slandered by everyone now, so enjoy your infamy. You made your mark on the world in the worst possible way. Now fuck off.

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    11. 'Ridiculed and slandered by everyone', 'made my mark on the world'. Wow, do you think you are a god? Are you just plain crazy? You really have developed a messiah complex. Sad, sad stuff.

      Anyway, for the record, I've heard people who've left the NH group saying they think you're demented and a dictator. Oh, and I heard you called a 110 year old woman a 'pollyanna cunt'. What a lovely person you are. And saying 'now fuck off'' to me on my blog. I'm afraid you're the one who'll be fucking off.

      Bye, bye.

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    12. I didnt want to barge in this discussion, but I have to say somethings.

      I´ve known Karl for almost 4 whole years. Since 2010, he was one of the first people who commented on my then recent blog. Since then, he´s always there with a word to say. Not once I´ve seen him being disrespectful or lashing out on others - have I missed all this? - and I consider him a friend. I don´t know what the bananas happened in Facebook, but at the end of the day, I still vouch for him. 10 outa 10.

      =)

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    13. Hello,

      I don't use facebook, so I don't know what happened, but I have to agree with Rafael: Karl has always been kind to me when I commented on his blog, I don't think he is a `cocksucker' (Dima's words). I hope this fades soon …

      Regards

      Anonymous commenter who has been following this blog since about 2010-2011.

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  21. Perhaps the folks in the following link did brave the melancholy as best they could, and together. I admired them anyway and thought the story would cheer you up. http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/inseparable-elderly-couple-suffering-health-problems-jump-to-their-deaths-together-9130553.html

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    1. God, how depressing. Just give me the Nembutal when the time comes.

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    2. Which is depressing though: that that was their most graceful recourse, or that their double suicide is enviable to many? This couple died the way they lived, making human sacrifices for their collective's utility. That they drank the kool-aid all the way is sad, yes. But I can't help but having that bitter aftertaste, that whenever someone lived lonely and miserable, their dying miserably is treated as if more appropriate.

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    3. Yes, the 'sad loner in the bedsit' and so on. Viewed with the contemptuous pity accorded to a social leper.

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  22. I was thinking as to what the symbol of the antinatalists should be.

    The communists have hammer & sickle,the capitalist have $,
    the Nazis have hakenkruis.

    Should antinatalists have just a square or circular black space as their emblem?

    Your thoughts?

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  23. i am a girl, 15, now a sophomore. i am very unhappy with who i am. my self esteem is at an all time low, along with my confidence. i hate everything about my body. my face, hair, everything is all so wrong. and i am sick of being made fun of for it. i try to change it, but i cant. people make me feel like i was born the wrong way. i guess my insecurities read all over me, because people always use it against me. i have very poor social skills, i have trouble just talking to people. i dont have anyone to turn to. i dont have any friends anymore. And my family does not want anything to do with me. But i couldnt talk to them either way. All they do is fight, and it kills me inside. because i do care about them. at school, usually no one talks to me, i try to make small talk but i humiliate myself. when im not at school, im just sitting at home in my room. it gets to be very depressing. when i do go out and try to have fun, for some reason i always feel miserable and want to go back to my room. inside of me, i am usually always depressed. and i always have the feeling of emptiness. i am a skinny person, but i cannot control my weight any longer. one week i will have no appetite, and the next i cannot stop eating. its very weird. i used to have an eating disorder. but i have gotten over that. when it comes to boys, i wish to have a boyfriend. but all the rejection has led to me giving up. i try to keep my standards lower, but i always get rejected. i have let my life turn into a worthless hole. its empty, nothing to live for. i used to have interest in many things. like guitar, cheerleading, track, shopping, all that stuff. but i ended up losing complete interest in everything i liked before. same goes for movies, tv shows, etc... i dont know if i should turn to cutting, because i know it's just harming yourself. but suicide, i find myself thinking about it all the time actually. i can never make up my mind on anything, decisions have become very hard to make. i want to pick my life up. but then i say, if i have a chance to change my life, why am i always so depressed? why is death always on my mind? i think so lowly of myself. i try telling myself im good enough in the mirror, but i always start tearing up, and i dont know why? i thought about moving to drinking and drugs, but i know that is a dumb decision. i feel like i have no one to talk to, no one to turn to. everytime i attempt to tell someone my problems, i jumble up my words, my mind goes blank, and i start crying. its horrible. i want help, but i can never get the words out of my own mouth. i can only really write out my problems. but that's only sometimes. so, i cant call myself the low of the low. because there is one thing i am good at it. and that's school,i have had my 4.0 GPA going strong. i have no special skills, but school is one thing that comes easy to me. i am very analytical about everything. i always consider the second option. as a kid i used to always be depressed. i was diagnosed with severe depression when i was 5, but no one really did anything about it. i dont remember much growing up, but i always find myself as introverted, very reserved. people must take it for arrogance. but its not.. i swear. i feel like im not good enough to anything. i have to be an internet lurker, because i feel like my opinions mean nothing. so i keep them to myself. this may sound weird, but i dont know how to have fun. i try many things, but nothing seems to bring the "fun". so yeah. basically this is about all my problems. idk if i am serious depressed or something, & i need someone to talk to that will actually listen. so any help is appreciated.

    if your going to comment saying rude things, dont bother. i just let out all my feelings for like the first time ever, and sarcasm is not appreciated. i just ask for help, advice, anything. please? i don;t want to do anything stupid to myself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Anon, first let me say your spelling and writing are brilliant, and I am not being facetious when I say that;you are a good communicator which is a skill that is valued in the world by those who treasure good communication skills. I like long foreign words and always have difficulty spelling them, and have to check them before pressing the 'publish' button, and I still get them wrong. Do capital your I's though when it is you you are writing about. What you have to communicate is unhappiness, discontent, and a lack of direction. I am guessing that the people around you communicate similar ills but quite poorly and they dislike you for cutting through their weak sentimental crap, and their dislike isolates you. Many people are stuck between the public taboo around talk of suicide, the way life without choices seems pointless, and their very strong private feelings. Quite rightly with pointlessness as a taboo they/we lose their/our humour and life seems dark. I have very rarely heard of philosophers tell jokes but I do remember one of my heroes Jerry Garcia talk of himself as feeling that he 'was the butt (punchline) of some cosmic joke'. A lot of what you write here could be the starter material for a blog, or simply something you can write in an A4 pad at whatever length you feel comfortable with and keep it to your self, if you have the private space you can protect. Equally a live human being who listens and continues to listen could be your miracle. One name for the A4 writing for is 'therapeutic automatic writing' and by this means I as a gay man sort-of prepared myself to 'get out of the closet' as 'a gay man', and it worked. I don't know if the closet I was stuck in was as dark as the space you are in, but I don't like comparing darknesses. It seems somewhat macabre. I wish you well in finding clearer communications in return, however you find them.

      Delete
    2. Although writing does indeed lift the spirits, as I found out recently, it takes time - a lot of time - to reach that readiness. But I might just be speaking for myself. Furthermore, it is indeed so, that many a troubled person will react to a troubled state with denial and rejection, because of an irrational sentiment that, with recognition, the problem becomes real.

      Anonymous,
      with the options you had, I think you did the smart thing in:
      • making good use of the available means of communication
      • keeping your identity a secret on the internet
      • finding this community, where depression isn't foreign or taboo
      • gathering up some courage to clearly express your situation.

      As much as I am a pessimist and am not going to make the empty promise that its all/mostly going to be alright, certain things might improve. One such, is the romantic prospect: boys in high school are not only immature, but easy access (or at least the impression thereof) to the opposite gender in high schools leaves them uncaring, uncommitted, superficial and abusive. After high school, humility brings many of us (hetero) men down to earth, and sensible personalities are likely to be found within a woman's reach in adult life.

      It's not uncommon however to stay single throughout one's youth, but pop culture would have you think it's an abomination, inhumanly freakish. Yet, my sister also never saw anyone in high school, was completely shunned back then, but in her twenties men would ask her out and it didn't take that long after that she found her partner in life. Perhaps it's because she doesn't share a depressive propensity, that she unfortunately let it go to her head and became a mother, joining the ranks of the troublemakers.

      Delete
    3. I'm also female (but nearly thrice your age). And like you, I had a miserable go as a youngster and was depressed nearly all the time, suicidal, etc. I came from an abusive household (complete with blood and everything), was relentlessly teased at school about my clothes (cheap), nose (large, crooked), height (ungodly tall), etc. And my dad never missed a chance to let me know what "pigs" women were and how unwanted and "retarded" I was. My mom stood by and let all the horrors inside the home (and outside) happen. Probably because I knew I could only ever depend upon myself, I worked hard and was, like you, very good in school. Somehow I got through that period and ended up really flourishing in my 20's. I had many wonderful lovers and all kinds of mad adventures around that time. After that (sometime around hitting my 30''s?), life began to get dreary again, and never really recovered... But my main point is that the fact that life is quite unbearable now doesn't guarantee that you're on a track for misery the rest of your days. There could be something delectable in your future. High school is a throwaway period in a lot of people's lives. What I have observed in the H.S. peers with whom I'm still in contact (all of us were nerds back in the day) is that things really started to look up once we got out of there!
      Please understand, though, I'm no Pollyanna. I feel that life on the whole is not worth creating (obviously... this is an antinatalism blog) and I pride myself in never having contributed to the propagation of our species. I'm just trying, day to day, to make the best of things while I'm still here, and maybe do some "good" (for whatever that's worth) along the way.
      I'm glad you reached out to us--there are a bunch of really kind people here, and it's a welcome refuge from the hideous world outside. I'm wishing you peace.

      Delete
    4. As the very kind and thoughful replies have shown, you are amongst friends here, Anonymous.

      Delete
    5. 45ish Anon: Did you think the world was hideous when you were with your many wonderful lovers and having all those adventures? I'm starting to see what might be called "subjective AN/radical pessimism", i.e. the world is a hell , but only when it's a hell for me. I wonder what happened with Dima, once very hardcore, to make him go soft. And btw Anon, I don't say this to bash you personally. Karl, any thoughts?

      Delete
    6. Unknown, that's a fair question, and one I grapple with quite a bit. I was truly happy for at least a few years back then. However, even at my height, I was a staunch antinatalist. I had a number of marriage proposals (some of them tempting), and could easily have reproduced, but I avoided procreation precisely because I felt I had no right to inflict life upon another being. I had no idea how my child's life would turn out, and I thought it best not to go there. Now, was I AN from a very young age because the seeds of misery were planted in my brain during its most fertile epoch? I really can't say. One might equally argue that my intelligence shepherded and maintained me securely in my AN mindset, and that this phenomenon could be operative regardless of the circumstances of my upbringing and psychological development.I've known ever so many people who were miserable at a young age, and continued to be miserable as adults, and yet they choose (often actively chose) to breed. However, I've also known people who are arguably smarter than I am, who also bred. I don't think we can distill the ontogeny of AN thinking to any specific circumstances or disposition. For some of us, the epiphany happens. For others, it doesn't. The one unifying factor may be the ability to think independently from the crowd, and the guts(?) to conduct oneself accordingly.

      Delete
    7. Oh... and I should add.... When I was a youngster, my misery was largely due to the bad things that were happening to me (which would fit into the paradigm of "subjective AN/radical pessimism" you describe above). However, as I aged, my own life improved, but my perspective broadened considerably, as did my capacity to empathize with other. As such, my outlook evolved to be more along the lines of sadness about the misery in the world around me, and angst over the unnecessary suffering that I witnessed in other sentient beings. My own life is more or less OK at this point. It's not particularly great, but it's probably better than most other people's lives. Thus I wouldn't say that my current AN is subjective (as a result of my personal circumstances).

      Delete
    8. Thanks for the intelligent, thoughtful replies to my post, Anon.

      Delete
  24. Hey Karl. It's me, Giordano.

    If you were wondering why you didn't hear from me and my blog that started out as a dumb joke and became a bit more, it's because I got tired of all this and decided I'd spend a year without it. I allowed myself this one day, but you won't hear of me again, hopefully.

    I see some antinatalists have gotten angry about the True Detective thing; I kind of knew they would. I'd advise you that no publicity is bad publicity, and it's better to target the nazis, spousal abusers, and politicians of the world than the interested third party.

    So Dimasok has deleted his blog? Good for him, he always seemed exhausted by argument, and he was never any good at it anyway(nor am I, really). I have to imagine being an OG for life antinatalist is exhausting, I don't know how you do it.

    Anyway, I've moved onto ruffling feathers elsewhere. I won't tell you where, because that would spoil the fun, but it's in a community that's closer than you might think.

    Here's a youtube video you might like from the movie Cube. It doesn't have great acting, but it's a good movie IMO, and this scene is probably something you'd like. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIt6JzIZP_s

    Don't feel bad deleting this comment if you don't feel like indulging me. I won't mind.

    Giordano

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "I see some antinatalists have gotten angry about the True Detective thing; I kind of knew they would. I'd advise you that no publicity is bad publicity, and it's better to target the nazis, spousal abusers, and politicians of the world than the interested third party."

      Hahahaha, EFIList are ELITists: they don't like it when EFILism is spread to the masses by the mainstream media because that makes someone a evil capitalist sellout, of which the Frankfurter Schule would disapprove.

      Delete
    2. Rust did a disappointing thing: he had unprotected vaginal intercourse. This is like the worst risk you could take as a male antinatalist. He can also be pretty ruthless and a major dick: In the last episode he manipulated a childkilling pronatalist and made her confess killing her baby (the childkiller said "a child is beautiful", "birth control etc is a sin") followed by saying she should kill herself asap because prison will make her life hell.

      Rust has no compassion forbad guys and the worst of them all are pregnant women, so why isn't he killing them .....and putting antlers on their heads....wait a minute.

      Delete
  25. Anti Natalist-Socialism is about converting hysterical misery into ordinary unhappiness.

    This is what I mean.

    Anti-natalist Socialism won’t eliminate the sorrows of the human condition. Loss, death, betrayal, disappointment, hurt: none of these would disappear or even be mitigated in a socialist society. As the Pirkei Avot puts it, against your will you enter this world, against your will you leave it. (Or something like that.) That’s not going to change under socialism.

    (Oh, by the way, Happy Valentine’s Day.)

    But what socialism can do is to arrange things so that you can deal with and confront these unhappinesses of the human condition. Not flee from or avoid them because you’re so consumed by the material constraints and hassles of everyday life.

    I was reminded of that post reading this wonderful piece by Anya Shiffrin about the death of her father.

    Last spring, André Shiffrin, the legendary publisher, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer (he died in December). A New Yorker through and through, he nevertheless decided to spend his last months in Paris, where he and his wife had an apartment and where he had been born. It proved to be a wise move, as Anya explains.
    So imagine my surprise when my parents reported from Paris that their chemo visits couldn’t be more different [than they had been at Memorial Sloane Kettering in New York]. A nurse would come to the house two days before my dad’s treatment day to take his blood. When my dad appeared at the hospital, they were ready for him. The room was a little worn and there was often someone else in the next bed but, most important, there was no waiting. Total time at the Paris hospital each week: 90 minutes.



    As Anya notes, it wasn’t that her father “was getting VIP treatment or had a fancy private plan. Not at all. He had the plain vanilla French government healthcare.” She also points out that health care spending is much lower in France than it is in the United States.
    I should acknowledge here that I know relatively little about health care policy, and the comparative merits of France versus Britain versus the US. So I can’t really comment on that element of Anya’s argument.

    I want to make a different point.

    French health care couldn’t stop André Shiffrin from dying; nothing in this world could. Instead it created a space for him and his family to deal with his dying, without the distracting mayhem of our system.
    When my dad began to get worse, the home visits started. Nurses came three times a day to give him insulin and check his blood. The doctor made house calls several times a week until my father died on December 1.


    The final days were harrowing. The grief was overwhelming. Not speaking French did make everything more difficult. But one good thing was that French healthcare was not just first rate — it was humane. We didn’t have to worry about navigating a complicated maze of insurance and co-payments and doing battle with billing departments.


    Every time I sit on hold now with the billing department of my New York doctors and insurance company, I think back to all the things French healthcare got right. The simplicity of that system meant that all our energy could be spent on one thing: caring for my father.


    That time was priceless.


    In my Freudian (late Freud) moments of despair, I sometimes wonder if the madness of American capitalism isn’t one massive contrivance to avoid the sad finitude of the human condition. Filing our insurance claims, haggling on the phone, waiting for doctors, we don’t have time or space to deal with death. At least not properly. That’s what socialism—or whatever variant of state-provided/delivered/guaranteed/ensured health care we’re talking about—might help us do. Perhaps that’s why we don’t want it.


    Anti-natalist Socialism is not a flight from the human condition; it’s a direct and unsentimental confrontation with that condition.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thomas Ligotti has said he is a socialist. :-)

      Delete
    2. I read this article on Jacobin too. I thought about posting it to the facebook AN page. My antinatalism is pretty contingent on capitalism/class society.

      Delete
    3. Walking Contradiction12 March 2014 at 20:11

      Same here, I hate to live in this capitalist society and my humble contribution is to not bring a new being into it.

      Delete
  26. Hi Karl,

    I'm not sure how to directly email you and instead am using this comment thread to reach you. So off topic...

    http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/n-judge-denies-teen-request-funds-suit-parents-article-1.1710802

    No comments questioning the wisdom of procreating in the first place! Everyone supports the parents. I suppose the parents innocent fantasies of tossing around a baseball and walking your daughter down the isle have been replaced with a good old fashioned law suit!


    I

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've always thought of procreation as a form of inflicting indentured servitude upon another being, with the only exception being the case in which the parents are wealthy enough to guarantee their offspring will *never* need to toil for sustenance. Where I'm from (I think where most of us on this blog are from), once a child turns 18, the parents have no further obligation toward him/her, and if the child doesn't want to die a painful death from starvation or exposure to the elements, he/she must either be fortunate enough to "marry well", or get to work to churn out a living. Ghastly. Yet if you ever express horror at this reality (or ever make any intimation that parents owe their children, because of the unilateral nature of the procreative decision-making process) in the company of common folk, you'll be ridiculed to no end.

      Delete
    2. Anon,

      if you have always thought procreation as a form of inflicting indentured servitude, then you are one of us, and we welcome you, brother.

      Cheers to all

      Delete
    3. Thanks Rafael.
      BTW, I am a woman :)

      Delete
    4. Oh, sorry. Be welcome anyway :)
      Many cheers

      Delete
  27. Karl,the readers miss you.Please come up with something new on anti-natalism.You are a great writer.We always look forward to new entries on your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I've always been the good girl. Even though I'm in college, I never drank, I never partied, I always just studied. My social life has gone downhill and even though I study, I get mostly B's. Whenever I try to meet new people, when they start asking me questions like "What do you do for fun" I have nothing to say. They ask me have I ever drank before and I tell them "No" when they ask me "why" I don't know what to say. They think I'm weird or something. I know I care too much about what people think of me. I don't know how to stop it. I spoke to my brother today and he was trying to give me some advice and he told me, "No one in cares about you. You're not important to them." He was trying to tell me not to think about how people think of me because they won't really think about me. They have other things to worry about than to worry about how I am. But I can't help but think no one cares about me. If no one cares about me, why do I even bother making friends or be nice to people? Why do I bother at all about anything? If no one cares about me, why should I care about people? If no one cares about me in the world, what's the point of living? If no one gives a damn about another person, why bother even being alive? I'm really contemplating about suicide right now. I feel so alone. I feel like I shouldn't try anymore because of the realization that no one cares of my efforts. No one cares.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sorry that you're feeling so much pain. In my book, life is essentially pain, and it's pretty tough to get around. Becoming numb (if that's possible) helps, of course. Programming yourself not to care what others think (or whether they think) can also ease the sting. I'm not saying that's easy, but it's a technique that's worth trying. The reality of life is that most people are filled with obsessive thoughts about their own lives. We're human--it's how we're wired. The unfortunate outcome of this is that we tend to be so wrapped up in ourselves that it's hard to notice that others are suffering, too (or even if we notice, sometimes we don't have the energy to do anything about it--or sometimes we care but don't *know* what to do). Combine that with the fact that people often learn from a young age to hide how they really feel and wear a plastic "everything's fine" facade out in public, so the best-intentioned among us may not know there's a problem in another person. No one can read minds.
      As I've aged, I've managed to more or less stop expecting a lot from others. Maybe it has come from the realization that I, myself, don't have much to give, so what can I really ask in return? I've burned out on it all, and this is just another manifestation. That notwithstanding, I do wish you well, and I hope you can find some solace somewhere (even if it entails looking beyond others to make you happy). A good book, a vigorous hike in the forest, a hot bath with some good music could all bring some small amount of pleasure, and don't require that others play a role they may not be equipped or inclined to play. Personally, my more-or-less retreat from human interactions (in real life) has done wonders to calm my addled mind. And as an antinatalist, knowing that I haven't perpetuated the horror of existence on another has also helped. Peace.

      Delete
  29. I bet when you saw my question you automatically hated me. I think I'm subconsciously hated by everyone. Always hated just never aware. I think sometimes I lack self-awareness and talk to people, but I know they don't want to be my friend.

    It's everyone. Every single person. For instance, yesterday I commented on a persons status and I was shaking and subconsciously biting my nails after I wrote it. They didn't reply. That was my fear, rejection, and it seems like every time I try to "put myself out there" I get knocked down.

    It's not just that. During the 3 month holidays I didn't go out and meet "friends". Not once. Whenever I tried to meet up with someone, I'd ring them up and ask if they were still coming, and they "forgot" about it. Or maybe they said they'd meet up with me to lead me on and felt bad about rejecting me to my face, so they just cancelled at the last minute.

    I'm an embarrassment. People ALWAYS tell me to be more outgoing but how can I when I'm CONSTANTLY getting rejected by everyone? It just feels like sometimes I don't want to live because I'm really lonely.

    I don't have 1 ******* friend. NOT 1 FRIEND!! I try to make friends online, too. Whenever I write them a message asking them how they're doing, THEY DON'T REPLY.

    What is it about me? Should I just give up? It doesn't matter what path I take I'm always pushed to the side.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. An American study found that as much as 1 in 4 persons has no friends at all and 1 in 5 is lonely because of it. One is far from alone in this fate. I don't know where to place relatives, but without them and the internet, I don't have a single friend left either. I only ever meet up with the former supply.

      Without signature, I can't tell for sure which comments belong to the same anonymous commenter, so forgive me for asking:
      what was your original question?

      Delete
    2. I talk to very few also, very few. It is a lame consolation, but perhaps it will get easier as one gets older.

      “When you’re young, you’re afraid of being alone. Solitude is a burden and you try to escape from it. You always wonder when it’s going to come to an end. Sometimes you can’t get rid of it. At the age of 38, you use it in a different way. You’ve learned how to live with it, and you don’t try to get rid of it by all means anymore. After all you may call this resignation, but I don’t think it’s harmful. You’re not just standing there, in pain, asking yourself ‘Why am I alone? Why don’t I go out?’ etc. You don’t ask yourself these questions anymore. You adapt yourself. Living alone does not mean living in nothingness.”

      Morrissey

      Delete
    3. My husband is my one true confidant. Without him I know I would be much lonelier and socially isolated than I am now.
      I have other 'friends' but no 'best' friend and I haven't had one since I was a young child.

      As Bazompora pointed out, loneliness is very common in our modern culture even amongst 'normal' people. I can only imagine that being a pessimist only makes it worse since you can see so clearly people's flaws.

      Biologically we need companionship but mentally we are disgusted by the utterly self-centered beings the vast majority of humans are.

      Life is quite a conundrum for us humans.

      Delete
  30. Copout True Detective, Disgusting11 March 2014 at 12:07

    So you were right Karl, Total copout in True Detective! Cohle's character makes a 360! He talks about light winning against dark, being optimistic about some afterlife..i mean jesus christ! Fuck you Nic Pizza! You asshole, also one hell of shitty cliché episode. Totally sad the series turned out so awful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think they had Rust punk out because..."People can't HANDLE the truth!"

      Delete
    2. Lol at Nic pizza. And yeah, it wasnt the ending we were looking for.

      Delete
    3. Yeah, I had to watch 'House of 1000 Corpses' to get rid of that warm, fuzzy feeling! ...also, Hugo is a scream!

      Delete
  31. my life was okay relatively until 2004. The first year I entered university studying engineering-related subjects, since then I am experiencing a complete failure in my life. When students around studying hard, listening to various talks , preparing for their career paths, I was absent from most lessons and talks but smoking, drinking, gambling every day alone, I KNEW it was a big problem to my future but I never did something to change.... i thought i was still young. Finally I got fail in most subjects and couldn't finish the academic credits within expected years, but extended and graduated poorly.

    I then made some bad friends after graduation who they further encourage what i was doing, smoking, drinking, even hooking up with prostitutes etc. In 2008 the whole year I was unemployed, not even seeking any unemployment or education. I didn't have any plans to my life. I didn't even think about it.

    In 2009 I first worked till the end of 2011. and now I've been unemployed for 3 months already. In the past three years I have worked for two companies, both were very junior posts with very low entry levels... but i was always blame by my boss(s) for mistakes... I didn't get fired by them but I couldn't tolerate so I dismissed (so you can imagine how bad the job was and how useless these working experience was...

    From Jan 2012 to now I am unemployed but I still don't seek for any jobs. I am so depressed and lack of confidence. Sometimes think about suicide. In the past I never understood why people commit suicide, but now I understand, when you come to a point, where you know there are people in the world at your age who could have already made a million or even billion, run a big company or just people around you could be already working in a big company at senior posts, with lots of real and useful working experience......... but I am just a piece of **** staying home, sleeping in the daytime and getting up surfing the web without any purposes over the night. However, don't worry, I dare not commit suicide.....

    Does anyone understand how unhappy / depressed I am feeling every day. I am just staying home 24 hours, looking at the monitor.........

    tears filling my eyes...........

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello Anonymous, life surely did feel fine when you were in the flow of university and the hope of work, and aspiring to wealth as if it were THE means happiness. Wealth is only a tool and the bad crowd you met were merely the flip side to the good crowd, different aspirations but aspirations all the same. When Jerry Garcia went clean of drugs from twenty years of using them he quiped about 'going from drug problems to real estate problems'. This blog is anti-natalist, and as a gay man I am somewhat anti-natlist by default, but what this blog does deal with is being a minority and feeling unlistened to/willfully misunderstood-that is what happens to the anti-natalist message most often, and many other messages too. I understand the dissapointment of applying for jobs that are not the applicants to get, but they exist to make a system that does not work appear to work well enough to an uninquisitive media. Twenty years ago a friend commended the writings of David Smail to me http://www.davidsmail.info/introfra.htm which reduced my anxiety about unemployment a lot. Reading his writings suggested to me that I had the tools within my grasp to reduce the pressures on me, and negotiate better with the pressures that could not be removed. Look for his books on Amazon, maybe, and if I am wrong then there are other tools and helps out there...

      Delete
  32. I have 3 kids. two daughters and a son. they're all teenagers and at the age in which they become a hand full. I guess 'hate' is a harsh word, but I really don't feel any affection towards them. And I feel that I just don't love them. I don't abuse my children or swear at them. I just don't pay much attention to what they're doing. I work full time everyday. going to work at 10 am (the kids are usually still sleeping) and coming home at about 8-9 pm. I then have to cook dinner, do the washing, the bills and dealing with the brats afterwards. Sometimes I'll have to ring home from work to ask my eldest daughter to put the oven on for dinner or boil some water (something fairly simple) and she'll refuse to do so and hang up. She is nearly 19 year old now! she is attending Uni and lives a cushion life in the family I built for them. and yet none of my children show any gratitude to my hard work. I really want to get them all out of the house and cut off from them. But I can't. what should I do?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There are problems in life that can only be fixed by walking away. They are predicaments that can only be solved by getting out of that situation. You need to walk out that door and never look back. The choice is between your own wellbeing and complete mental collapse.

      Delete
  33. Realize that they don't owe you any gratitude because you dragged them here.

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  34. Okay. So my depression is super odd. I go through phases of maybe 2 days good and a month bad. Sometimes it's opposite. It's so hard to deal with sometimes. It's getting to where it truly affects my daily life. I will just be sitting with a friend and then it just hits me. I turn from happy to depressed in a matter of seconds. I think I need to go to talk therapy and get on some kind of medication to help me. I also suffer from insomnia too. It's very weird too. I go through weeks of not being able to sleep at night. Then I'm fine for a few days. Sometimes opposite. I'm always barely awake in class. I come straight home and I go to sleep from about 3 pm until 5 or 6 pm. That adds to the fact that I already can't sleep then I'm not tired from the nap. It sucks so bad. I'm constantly trying to stay awake. Now the panic attacks. I read about them and noticed that I have them from reading peoples descriptions of them online. They aren't so bad that I have a total freak out but I have social anxiety too I think. When I feel the anxiety coming on I start to get shaky, my palms get sweaty, I start to twitch on my legs ,face and arms. My voice is shaky. Sometimes it's so bad I can't even speak. I recently also started having nightmares and night terrors. Things are actually better than they have been but they sure aren't that great. I don't understand myself. Why am I this way? I don't know what triggers any of it. I've never been clinically diagnosed with these things but I've done a ton of research and I'm almost positive I have them all. I feel broken. Like I'm no good. I'm unfixable. I truly need therapy. I think talk therapy would help along with medication maybe. How do I describe this to my mom? I always feel like she just blows it off and tells me to stop exaggerating everything and stop being a drama queen. I'm not dramatizing any of this stuff. I need help.

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  35. Anon (the mother) - You shouldn´t have had kids. There´s nothing much you can do about it. You don´t need to exactly love, but a modicum of respect should be present in every household.

    And whenever they are ready, they will get out of the house, trust me. But the economy is a bit destroyed, so you might just have to wait a bit. Sorry to break it to you.

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  36. Found your blog about a week ago - and I have to say: gripping stuff, you really have a way with words - and decided to drop a comment. Even though I think my brand of AN is a bit less, shall we say, harsh and stems more from the Zappfean view on the human condition than dislike on the majority of humanity in general (correct me if I'm wrong), I agree with your posts most of the time. Especially reading "Christmas: A Glimpse into the Void" was like reading a diary if I did keep one. I do try to make the most out of this journey we call life by studying philosophy (which led me to AN thinking in the first place) and IT and keeping myself busy with other distractions like video games but every now and then I can't help but reflect on the absurdity of it all. Why is there something at all and why were we put in the spotlight. Why of all the possible variations a human genome can take did it take the one that made me and so forth. My ultimate hope is that someday there will be no one to wrestle with these questions and that the last people on Earth/some other planet(s) feel the same.

    At least following your blog gives me one reason more to not off myself in the immediate future. Thanks and keep up the good work.

    (I really think you ought to write a book on your thoughts, just converting all your posts so far to PDF format http://www.bloxp.com/ ensured me yours could be the next The Last Messiah or Better To Never Have Been.)

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  37. Thanks for the nice words, you're being too kind. Like a lot of people venting on the net, I use the blog as a bit of a therapeautic outlet, so my bile and misanthropy isn't probably so pronounced in real life. My despair comes more from a sense of yawning futility and amazement that more people don't seem to pick up on the bigger questions.

    Thanks for commenting.

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  38. Karl, Someone mentioned your facebook group.. What is the name?

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    1. It's 'Antinatalism Philosophy Discussion group'. Only active in spurts and fits, but all are welcome.

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  39. I'm willing to bet this guy was never in the Nam. He probably heard this story from his uncle (about the radios) and is laying his own personal OpEd on top of it.

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    1. No, it's a quote from a Batman movie. He was trolling and everyone took the bait.

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    2. You could be right, but hey, it led to some good ranting:-)

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  40. Hahah, wasn't this Alfred's line in The Dark Knight XD

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