Friday, 13 January 2012

Demotivated

Maybe it’s just the New Year, or maybe it’s just the fact of getting older (not to mention the gloom of having returned to the madhouse of London after a week in sleepy old Ireland) but I have to confess to feeling almost completely demotivated these days. The struggle to get out of bed in the morning has never been greater, and summoning the energy to engage with the million and one small things that constitute the quotidian slog has become almost an impossibility. I am genuinely struggling to comprehend how the majority appear to be able to storm energetically around all day, furiously and unquestioningly engaged in their own lives. Either they’re missing something or I am. What it really proves to me is how much of a deluded egotist you have to be to do anything, as well as filling me with fear and anxiety at the thought of being placed at the mercy of such brutes.

I’d also like to add that I’ve been reading parts of Francis Fukuyama’s The End of History and The Last Man. Although Fukuyama has been savaged to the point of caricature for allegedly claiming history was coming to an end due to the convergence of almost all nation states on liberal democracy the last few chapters of the book on the emptiness of soul that can potentially afflict those living in such societies are well worth reading. The mindlessness of consumerism, the general empty-headedness, the proliferation of multiple means of distraction all designed to draw attention away from the vacuity of Homo Consumeris is excellently drawn out and I heartily commend it.

In the mean time, I continue to drag my ass through the days.....

30 comments:

  1. you gotta do what you gotta do.

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  2. "I am genuinely struggling to comprehend how the majority appear to be able to storm energetically around all day, furiously and"

    I don´t know, coffee? Potent drugs? I´m just joking a bit. But you are completely right. I´m so bummed down these days, I´m not writing one single note on the blog. I don´t know what´s happening lately. I´m starting to believe that there´s a time it wil become even harder to maintain this truths and realizations. Don´t exactly know how or why.

    Nice to know you´ve been to Ireland to chill a bit.

    Cheers my friend.

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  3. Anonymous: True words. Thanks for commenting.

    Shadow, good as always to hear from you, my friend. Yes, the weariness of it all is overwhelming. The truth isn't energising!

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  4. No-mind no-thought17 January 2012 at 11:48

    Yes, the masses are going round and round and round doing the same thing every day for months, years, decades, forever and ever and uselessly. How fuile it all is!

    In the meanwhile, I live in the shadow, just getting by in silent serene awareness. They're too engaged and busy to notice me, thank god!

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  5. Didn't know you were British! Didn't figure it out, despite the mention of the Underground in the "7 billion" post. Do you use American spelling?

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  6. No-mind no-thought: Wise words! Couldn't agree with you more. You've definitely got the right attitude toward life. It is indeed vital to keep the searchlight of the powers-that-be away from you, otherwise they become determined to drag you into the game, and it isn't a fun game, that's for sure!

    Srikant: How are things, man? Good to hear from you. I'm actually Irish, with the current misfortune of having to live in London. Ireland isn't yet as full of shit as other countries, having been slow to "modernise" (what a horrible word). It also has a relatively low population density, which means the pace of life is far more relaxed and makes it easier to drift along quietly than, say, in London or one of the more "advanced" countries.

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  7. I am often wondering myself where the realization of the futility of life will lead me. Its weird to still be on the field, surrounded by people who are actively playing the game while not really taking part in it any more. I guess we need a new branch of psychology helping desillusioned people who won't make an effort to willfully accept a new fairy tale as truth, or can't accept it even if they wanted to.
    For me, so far, I guess, my hobbies help me a lot in the business of 'dragging my ass thru the days', and the realization that I'm not the only one having to live without the rose-tinted glasses.

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    1. "I guess we need a new branch of psychology helping desillusioned people who won't make an effort to willfully accept a new fairy tale as truth, or can't accept it even if they wanted to."

      Yeah, that's the situation my Alederian trained psychologist is running into.

      And she's nice. I like her.

      It's just that I know more about reality than everyone who's "treating" me.

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  8. Thanks, Irina. A psychology for the disillusioned, that would be very welcome. Books with titles like "How to Get Through Life although You Know It Sucks" and so on....

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  9. It's tough, isn't it? For those who can, I'd suggest trying to get out of your heads once in awhile through vigorous exercise. It works for me sometimes; a couple hours at the gym, maybe pounding out 40 or 50 miles on the bike followed by a meal and naptime. Also, a good long read over several days is a nice way to escape. Good luck to all of you.

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  10. Jim, great to see you around here again! Yeah, exercise is certainly a good thing. Beats getting out of your head on booze, although that, too, is sometimes unavoidable and very necessary.

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  11. I was wondering, Karl, whether you are an "Emotion-should-fit-circumstance" purist or whether you would like to be somewhat deluded. I don't mean deluded as in, in a state where you could potentially commit wrongs, like conceiving a child for example, but deluded in that your happy emotions don't match the rotten, decaying world.

    If it is the latter, since you live in the UK, why don't you try antidepressants (they're free here)? I'm not a pharmaceuticals salesperson, I'm just saying that time flies when you're having fun, and time, the mass-murderer, will eventually result in your death. (That is if you want to be dead - I don't know if you do - though if you're in the same situation as me you probably do). Though I can understand why you wouldn't want to try them, as the cycle of hope and disappointment is an annoying one. Also the long-term effects aren't really known so they could, maybe, fry your brain a bit when you're older (though if you're like me, you probably don't care).

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  12. Estnihil, I did actually try anti-depressants for a six-month period when I was 20 (fifteen years ago, yikes!). They put me in a floaty, couldn't give a damn mood, which was initially quite nice, but after a while I felt the inauthenticity of it and decided to come off them.

    I'm not saying there's any greater integrity in being an "emotion should fit circumstance" person; it was just my inclination, and as I like to say, no one's going to give you a medal for suffering, so maybe I'm the bigger fool. I also felt that after coming off them they'd done me a certain amount of damage: I felt less sharp than prior to taking them, and I believe it took me years to regain that edge.

    Again, this is my personal inclination and I envy those who can delude themselves or dull the pain through means chemical or otherwise, it's just that I've never had a natural talent for it. My loss!

    Cheers for the post and suggestion!

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  13. This might sound so cliché that I advise not to read it twice, but: I believe I know what you're feeling (or rather "unfeeling"). I haven't been around the blogs these last months, not because I don't care anymore, but because ... there's not enough sunlight these months. Stupid, huh? Yet, this very comment is the most I can manage for the moment: my mind feels more dulled than ever and I am already seeing that my message is starting to convey a pityful wail, so I'll wrap it up.
    You could (within the measure you can afford) do as I "do":

    hibernate till spring.

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  14. Bazompora, good to hear from you. The winter months do indeed feel like having one's head held down a toilet while some malevolent individual flushes it repeatedly. Thing is, I can't say I'm looking forward much to the spring and summer either. At 35 it's become very difficult to maintain whatever illusions and energy one may have had previously that made life bearable whilst still knowing the whole thing was a crock of shit. Hibernation surely sounds like a good option, although it may end up a permanent one:-)

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    1. Since I would like to die on a Sunny day in nature, I'm grateful spring and summer are afoot.

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  15. Sad to hear; I wish I could give you useful advise, but I've never recovered from my demotivated state myself ... yet (working on it, working on it ... some, soon ... or later ... maybe).
    But eventually, every good song has to end; the antinatalist genre will continue regardless. Make sure your hits are immortalised as a permanently accessible web archive and know that you will have made something that moves souls.
    On the other hand: you could always reinvent your base tune and, for example, roll on Pure Resentment. >:-)

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  16. Bazompora, I'll continue the blog, no fear, just that, as you suggest, it will be featuring a lot more shameless resentment and misanthropic bile than before:-) When I speak of permanent hibernation, I was refering more to my attitude toward my own life.

    On a more serious note re.blogging, I wonder if the antinatal blog scene has reached the end of its first phase. All the major arguments for AN and refutations of the counter-arguments appear to have been exhaustively documented since around 2007, mainly on Jim's blog with the others being essentially spin-offs from that. Jim generally seems to have fallen silent and only Shadow and Sister Y are regular bloggers these days (and Sister Y's blog isn't exclusively anti-natalist). I wonder is it because Antinatalism is such a perfectly complete system that once expounded and the hysterical counter-reactions disproven there remains little to be said afterward.

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    1. "and Sister Y's blog isn't exclusively anti-natalist"

      I'm glad it isn't. I value her thoughts greatly on the suicide topic especially, and on abortion as well. I've done a one-eighty on the latter, and I was extremely pro-life; she wasn't the only reason for this change or the main one, but ... she's someone I would have despised before.

      Yet I see the reason for her position and my former position.

      I was focussing on life as the ultimate value. She was focussing on subjective experience as the ultimate value.

      I now conclude she is right. Philosopher Shelly Kagan's Yale Course on Death available free via Yale, including the 3 lectures (24-26) on suicide, which included analysis of life as either a "neutral container" or "valuable container", was instrumental in my eventual, much later, evolution to a more humane position, properly understood.

      I can barely believe I'm typing those words.

      "I wonder is it because Antinatalism is such a perfectly complete system that once expounded and the hysterical counter-reactions disproven there remains little to be said afterward."

      It's a simple concept, so there's that.

      However, once achieved via antinatalism (which I don't think it will be: I am preparing a long comment or two introducing a new thinker on the scene for you to read, consider, and introduce to a wider audience, and among other things this will address this in essence), the end result is death.

      Nonexistence.

      So there's a discreet end point to the philosophy of anti-natalism; unlike life-affirming, suffering-sustaining philosophies which must go on and on; usually evolving and changing; as their weaknesses are discovered; living in the (rapidly changing, but more on this when I introduce the new thinker's written work) real world.

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    2. Not keen on the whole 'end of story' either, as dull a book mine is. The cover just seems so hard still for now, yet somewhat less than in the past.

      But the "continuation" of the life-affirming is but a false god: they are as erased from memory after 4 generations as we are. A very few "live on" in history, but even that is destined to vanish eventually, with or without a global change of heart towards antinatalism.

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    3. In this sense, antinatalism kind of reminds me of certain gnostic groups, especially Manichaeism. They were so world negating that they had difficulty getting recruits. Those initiated into the top level of abstained from nearly all worldly activities. I believe they ate fruit, mostly.

      The last followers of this group died in 14-15th century China.

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    4. Christoph, thanks again for all the comments. I look forward to the new thinker you promise. I hope you're doing alright and have somewhere to live and so on,as you were talking about being homeless and such. If you need to vent privately I'm at w1.karl@gmail.com

      Bazompora, sadly even if one thinks life is a bum deal, it's hard to kick the addiction. Once the trap is sprung, you're well and truly caught!

      Artashata, thanks for the comment. And don't forget the Cathars in southern France in the 12 and 13th centuries.

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  17. Jim's back; dontcha kno'?

    Glad to hear you'll march on ... with a vengeance. You and Shadow are apt at disrupting apathy, so I am looking forward to coming seasons.

    And perhaps it is time to compend and divulge into pop culture. Of particular influence on my development outside the box, were not great philosophers, but accumulated uncommon twists in cartoons and videogames. Perhaps the focus needs to shift from expounding on the pub-like circles of blogs to acceding mainstream - or at least some subculture?

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    1. (By "back", I meant to blogging; guess metamorphhhh coccooned to his next phase too?)

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  18. I would be more chatty, except that I'm "demotivated", too... in such a bad way that I'm lurching toward catatonia. Once I've reached that state, I'm afraid you won't be hearing from me again. As far as blogging, I never started my own blog because I knew I wouldn't have the energy or attention span to churn out much content. But if it's any consolation, my adherence to AN only grows as time ticks by.

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    1. Wait ... you're not me, are you, Anonymous? In that case:
      Karl, you might be a champion of even more waning shades like us. °_° (Still hoping to steal some life from somewhere; don't despair.)

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  20. Bazompora, I'm putting up a new post today. Nothing very inspired, just an intro to a pessimist whom I believe is not very well known. 'Waning shades', yes, perfect! That's how it is. As Ligotti wrote, "Work in silence, think in silence and be courageous in silence."

    Anonymous: Thanks for the comment. I know what you mean by "lurching toward catatonia", and don't forget anhedonia! It's a joyless fucking life! And glad to hear your AN convictions are strengthening. The world provides more reasons for that to be the case with every passing day.

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  21. thinking without thoughts17 February 2012 at 14:46

    Looking at those who "do things" in this world I notice how driven they are! How they dash around talking fast and being smart and putting on that "intelligent" mask on their faces. And pulling everyone else along, willing or not, in their driven little fantasy of ego and self-importance.

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    1. Very true, TWT. I live in London and if you travel on the Underground that's exactly what you see: "tough" looking people, all chewing gum and trying to look savvy, all seeking to look as if they're in control of the game. What a farce! Fuck them all!

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